When its over.

Ive reached a point where I am unable to look back.
I look at the last 2 years and only one thing remains perminent.
And its not him.
I cant tell if what im doing is going to end me up in a place i cannot avoid hurting people.
but im pretty sure Im going to continue hurting someone until the tie is cut.
its pretty much down hill now.
no matter what end we start from.
this isnt right.
I know that I cannot do this on my own.
and I hope to god I wont have to.
I need to be stable,
and I need to just break free.
I love my baby girl.
i will do whatever it takes to make things good for her.
but i have to break it all first.
while i have time
while she cannot be effected by it yet.
My heart is in another place.
and I cannot take it back now.



-Diamond

38 weeks.

Sometimes I just want to cry...
I wish I could run far away...
Stop all of this from happening.
Go back to who I was when I was happy.
I don't think I'll ever truly be happy with myself again.
My daughter is just weeks, if not days, away now...
and I'm so worried.
Im so sad.
Im so ... gone.
I need to get away for a while... and you know what?
I will never have that chance again.


-Diamond

16 weeks and one day...

I am becoming a mother.
I feel that little one kick and move around inside of me.
Its real.
This is real life now.
Its no longer about me... even now, before it even gets here...
I hope that this is really the right thing for me... now that there is no going back.
I hope shawn stays around like he seems to be doing so far.
I hope for a son... but a daughter is okay too.
I just want a healthy baby.

and I want to know Im going to make it thru this.


as a girl whos always run away from life, and responsibility, and reality whenever I've felt like it... Its hard for me now, to be grounded.

I'll keep my head up, and my fingers crossed.
thats all i can do.

I will always have a Name...

But will you always know my face?
I will never vanish fully...
But will you remember me like this?